Teaching kids to recognize and handle all types of bullying, especially in person and online*

Alexia Tawes

Have you ever been bullied? Have you ever cried yourself to sleep every night just because you don’t want to go to school the next day? Have you almost risk your own life just because you don’t want to live anymore? From the different experiences I had encountered and listened to, being bullied by the people around you really changes one’s way of living and perception in life.

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems. In order to be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive, be repetitive and include a imbalance of power, meaning physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity to control or harm others. There is Verbal, Social and Physical Bullying.

Sometimes, the victim wants to understand why they are being targeted. Bullies often turn to being oppressive for many reasons such as Stress or Trauma. While others turn to positive ways to deal with stress, others might turn to violence, bullying and alcohol abuse to temporarily mask the problem. Other reasons may include low self esteem. In order to mask how the hey actually feel about themselves, some people who bully focus attention on someone else. They try to avoid any negative attention directed at them by deflecting, they feel like their parents/guardians don’t have enough time to spend with them.There are often feelings of rejection from the very people who should love them unconditionally. They are also much more likely to come from violent households with lots of arguments and hostility.Without access to education, hate based conversation directed at others may be the norm. They may not understand what hate speech is and why speaking about people in a derogatory way is not appropriate.Those who bully are more likely to feel like their friendships and family relationships aren’t very secure . In order to keep friendships they might be pressured by their peers to behave a certain way. They are more likely to feel like those who are closest to them make them do things that they don’t feel comfortable doing and aren’t very supportive or loving.

Unless your child tells you about bullying or has visible bruises or injuries it can be difficult to figure out if it’s happening. There are some warning signs such as kids acting differently or seeming anxious, or not eating, sleeping well, or doing the t hings they usually enjoy. When kids seem moodier or more easily upset than usual, or when they start avoiding certain situations, it might be because of a bully. Schools and Parents usually have two different approach when it comes to handling bullying. Kids are often reluctant to tell adults about bullying because they feel embarrassed and ashamed that it’ happening, or worry that their parents will be disappointed, upset, angry, or reactive. Sometimes kids feel like it’s their own fault, that if they looked or acted differently it wouldn’t be happening. Sometimes they’re scared that if the bully finds out that they told, it will get worse. Others are worried that their parents won’t believe them or do anything about it. Or kids worry that their parents will urge them to fight back when they’re scared to.

Most schools have bullying policies and anti bullying programs or counselors to deal with the situation. Parents play a big role in the way kids handle bullying. Parents can teach them how to talk things out, walk away, seek different friends to play with, or how to ignore cruel remarks. Avoid encouraging fighting or teaching a child self defense. If your child is experiencing

cyber bullying, open and read all messages or communication together, but avoid responding to cruel messages, texts, or posts.

Bullying can affect physical and emotional health, both in the short term and later in life. It can lead to physical injury, social problems, emotional problems, and even death. Those who are bullied are

at increased risk for mental health problems, headaches, and problems adjusting to school. Bullying also can cause long term damage to self esteem. Children and adolescents who are bullies are at increased risk for substance use, academic problems, and violence to others later in life. Those who are both bullies and victims of bullying suffer the most serious effects of bullying and are at greater risk for mental and behavioral problems than those who are only bullied or who are only bullies. Unlike tradi tional forms of bullying, youth who are bullied electronically such as by computer

or cell phone are at higher risk for depression than the youth who bully them. The School Solution : Schools can set up programs to educate all students from a young age about the dangers and effects of bullying. Try to stop the problem before it starts by setting up parameters for students when faced with bullying. Offer a safe environment for students to discuss problems they may have with another student. Set a policy related to bullying , such as required counseling for the bully and victim and a scale of disciplinary actions, such as required community service, depending on the severity of the case. Educate all teachers on how to deal with bullying in the classroom effectively through one on one interaction with the student, setting up meetings with parents of bullies and victims, or when and how to remove a violent bully from the classroom. Monitor areas where students have less supervision to prevent bullies from easy opportunities to bully. Encourage all students to report incidents of bullying, whether they are victims or witnesses. The Home Solution: Parents need to have a clear understanding of what constitutes bullying and the schools bullying policies so that they can recognize the signs and take all incidents of peer abuse seriously. A parent of a bully needs to take steps to work with the child by finding out why the child is bullying and determining if the child needs professional counseling.

Parents can also encourage empathy by explaining to the child what empathy is and showing the child by example. Parents can encourage their child to stand up for herself and teach her effective ways of managing anger or feelings of helplessness. Constant communication, through phone calls, notes and meetings between parents and school is necessary to prevent bullying.

Citations

“How Does Bullying Affect Health and Well Being?” Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Developme nt, U.S. Department of Health and Human

Services, www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/bullying/conditioninfo/health

Daniel, Jessica. “What Are the Problems & Solution s of Bullying in School?” The Classroom | Empowering Students in Their College Journey, 27 Sept. 2018, www.theclassroom.com/problems

solutions bullying school 8017158.html

American Psychological Association, American Psychological Association,

www.apa.org/topics/bullying/

“StopBullying.gov.” StopBullying.gov,

www.stopbullying.gov/

Dryden Edwards, Roxanne. “Bullying Facts, Effects, Statistics, Types &

Prevention.” MedicineNet, www.medicinenet.com/bullying/article.htm

“Bullying.” Child Trends,

www.childtrends.org/indicators/bullying

Moderator. Bullying Statistics, bullyingstatistics.wordpress.com/category/bullying/.